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Brain Food for the Good Life Blog

Double Standards in Marriage

By Dr. Paul Schmidt  on April 1, 2014
When marriage allows one of its partners privileges the other doesn’t have, it is a double standard. Most marriages have quite a few, by mutual agreement, which is no big deal. It’s a problem when most of the double standards favor the same partner. Any double standard is trouble when, according to unbiased and well […]
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Understanding Each Other: Emotional Infidelity vs. Excessive Jealousy

By Dr. Paul Schmidt  on April 1, 2014
Of all the columns I’ve written, this is the one I’ve had the most requests to send out, and to expand and revise. The following is a 60% longer version of a column I wrote three years ago. Though it will talk about marriage, it is also meant for those in long-term committed love relationships. The opportunity […]
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Marriage Helpers from the Seattle Love Lab

By Dr. Paul Schmidt  on April 1, 2014
Dr. John Gottman’s research has demonstrated seven communication styles which will cause a couple to be truly happy with each other. Elaborate explanations for these helpful habits can be found in Gottman’s book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (New York: Three Rivers Press, 1999). Enhance your love maps Regularly work at trying to get a fresh […]
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Award-Winning Research: Preventing Divorce

By Dr. Paul Schmidt  on April 1, 2014
A recent issue of Psychotherapy Networker reviews 25 years of research on counseling, and concludes that the most convincing and influential work was done by Dr. John Gottman on marriage and divorce. (Dr. Gottman was also the only researcher listed in the top ten most influential therapists.) Originally a mathematician, Gottman’s research was well designed and funded. […]
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Sixteen Guidelines for Marriage: How Do You Measure Up?

By Dr. Paul Schmidt  on April 1, 2014
It is sad and silly that we can get a marriage license without knowing anything about how to be married. Here are some practical guidelines that can serve like a How-to manual for marriage. You might want to send this to a marriage you know that’s in trouble. For yourself, give you and your mate […]
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Grandparents are Huge Assets

By Dr. Paul Schmidt  on April 1, 2014
Last fall we mourned the passing of my mother, Betsy Hanna Schmidt (she’d insist, “Mrs. Craig Schmidt”).  On what would have been her 85th birthday this month, 20 family and friends gathered to celebrate her life.  I was amazed at how her life seemed to have impacted her grandchildren as much as us children.  I see now that spending time with […]
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Do's and Don'ts for Stepparents

By Dr. Paul Schmidt  on April 1, 2014
Until five years ago, I never thought I’d ever create a stepfamily, but now I have. Turns out, I’m just going with the national flow. Even the staunchest defender of the traditional nuclear family, Focus on the Family, states that within two years, there will be more blended families in the US than any other […]
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Power Struggles Between Parents and Children

By Dr. Paul Schmidt  on April 1, 2014
All parents from time to time find themselves locked into an ongoing power struggle with a child. The parent’s natural instinct response to a child’s misbehavior is met with more and more of that behavior. My suggestions here will require parents to go against their instincts. Many of the ideas below can be found in […]
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How and Why to Spoil (or Not Spoil) Your Kids or What Spoiled Kids Need

By Dr. Paul Schmidt  on April 1, 2014
If you’ve ever wondered why so many people spoil their children, it’s simple. They get two big pay-offs. First, the obvious: it’s easier just to get through the moment by indulging children’s demands, rather than stopping to teach them a lesson. And the more subtle reason is that by living for and through the child, […]
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Dr. Paul F. Schmidt