How Heathy are your People, Associations, and Dreams?

 PAD is just short for a Person, Association (group, marriage, family, church, political party, workplace), or Dream (like to get married, rich, famous, fit, etc.).  We deceive ourselves when we see our lives (and the lives of others) as having separate compartments, that don’t really have much effect on each other.             This tool will help you examine any internal or external power in your life, to see how it is making you sick or getting you well.  Look at your most important PADs, your People (relationships), Associations (groups and affiliations), and Dreams (about career, politics, religion, family, etc.).   How much are they draining life out of you?  How much life are they pouring in?  Our test measures these nine Life Issues:  truth, peace, respect, love, mercy, sexuality, purpose, and physical health.  How healthy are those who are giving you these experiences?  How healthy are the experiences you are receiving from them?

            Looking at any particular PAD, and at any particular issue, how can you examine the effects they have on their organization, on their friends and families, and on themselves?  You can look for these six signs of life(liveliness and health):

         Caring:  do they care about themselves and others?

         Freedom:  how free are they to change their minds and habits?

         Gratitude:  how thankful are they for what they have been given?

         Cooperation:  do they pull people together, generously sharing power and glory?

         Strength:   are they and those around them getting stronger?

         Growth:  do they value life-long learning and growth?

You can remember these six signs by CFG, CSG:  “Can Find Good, Can Share Good”.

Now consider in your PADs the opposites of these things.  Look for these six signs of death, which are given in the same order as the six corresponding signs of life above:

            Apathy: does their heart show coldness toward self and others, or even hatred?

         Bondage: are they stuck in obsessive thinking and compulsive behaviors?

         Complaint:  are they negative and complaining, wanting you to feel sorry for them?

         Divisiveness: do they turn people and groups against each other? 

         Weakness: are they losing power, strength, and influence?

         Decay: are they rotting? Are they and people with them aging badly over time?

You can remember these six signs by ABC, DWD:  “ABCD: Whirlpooling Down”.

How else can we appraise the healthiness of our PADs?

To learn how healthy your commitments and relationships are for you, and how healthy you are for them, ask these four questions about any PAD that you’re involved with:

1.  What is the impact of their words, the content, spirit, tone, purpose, and outcome of what they say? (How much good and harm do they do to the core self-worth of the people they affect?)  

2.  What does their personal life say about the impact they have on others in private?  What do they do to relax, and what do they like to study and learn?  How are their relationships with friends and family?  If things aren’t honest, kind, and fair in their home, they will probably end upmaking you more dishonest, unkind and unfair.  If they don’t honor their promises to their inner circle (their health, spouse, and children), they probably won’t honor their promises to you.

3.  What does their public life say about the fruits of their work, recreation, volunteering – is it more about serving, or being served?  Do they go charming people to get their attention, acceptance, affection, and allegiance, or do people naturally want to give them these things?  Look at who they run around with, and how they spend their time in public. 

4.  Where does their money and power come from, and where do they go?  Who do they owe, and who owes them?  Follow the money, because you learn to care about whatever or whoever gives you (or gets your) money and power, and whatever exchanges money and power with them.

How can you have healthier relationships with a PAD?

PAYING ATTENTION         Whatever you pay attention to will grow, both inside you and out.  Likewise, whatever you call others’ attention to will also grow in you.  To disconnect from a toxic PAD, or gain more freedom and distance from a PAD, you can scale back the attention you give it, and give your higher levels of attentions elsewhere, to healthier PADs.  You can give five levels of attention to any PAD:

Level 1  =  Attention ~ deliberately focusing yourself to notice a PAD

Level 2  =  Acceptance ~ deciding it’s relatively harmless, and worth exploring further 

Level 3  =  Affection ~ becoming charmed by paying attention mostly to the positive

Level 4  =  Allegiance  ~ joining, subscribing, committing to be together regularly

Level 5  =  Adoration  ~ idolizing a PAD, and believing that it is virtually always healthy.

Some PADs that you like, may not be worthy of your positive attention, and your appraisal of them may need to be revised. You absorb fruits of the flesh when you give them positive attention, or when you give negative attention to fruits of the spirit.  You can give negative attention also in five levels:   Disregarding, Disliking, Disapproving, Disengaging, and Demonizing. Finally, don’t think you can just change your patterns of paying attention by willpower alone.  You’ll need to tell others what you’re doing, tell them why, and ask for their help and their prayers.

NOTE:  It will be much easier to change your levels of attention if you use the help and encouragement                         of others who are making similar changes towards similar PADs.