GROUND RULES FOR SETTLING MARITAL CONFLICTS   These are not my guidelines.  They are the ones most frequently presented in the many books I have read to help couples work through their disagreements and misunderstandings.  They are also the ones I have been taught in my training, and the ones I have seen to work […]

  EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY vs. EXCESSIVE JEALOUSY             Of all the columns I’ve written, this is the one I’ve had the most requests to send out.  Now because of social media, the following is a much longer version of the column I first wrote years ago.  Though it will talk about marriage, it is also meant […]

Genuine Intimacy in Marriage and Faith The simultaneous experience of vulnerability and safety is not found exclusively in marriage.  The apostle Paul felt that people could be closer to God and to those they loved if they were not burdened with a spouse and children at home (see his extremely personal confession in the entire […]

  REVERSING UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS It seems to me that most Americans have one or more people somewhere in their family or friends that they just can't get along with.  The way it feels is like, "I just don't feel comfortable around them.  I can't be myself.  They make me feel and act crazy, so I […]

  Packing your Suitcase with the Facts I grew up in the fifties, thinking that marital fidelity was just what you do.  As far as I had heard, most all the Schmidts had apparently been faithful to their spouses. I was told that it just made good sense, for families and for society.  At church […]

    THE ART OF DISENGAGEMENT   Sometimes disengagement is very painful for one partner, who may for the moment be clinging to or pursuing the mate in order to unload his or her distress. Other times, roles can be reversed. This article is for both of you.  To be done without creating new problems, […]

  BEFORE GIVING UP ON A BAD MARRIAGE . . .             I have helped people create a peaceful divorce once they decide to go that way, but I have never advised anyone to get a divorce. One reason is that the heartache it cures is seldom as great as the heartache it creates, especially […]

  HOW TO PREPARE FOR YOUR MARITAL COUNSELING          To get ready for marital counseling, to avoid either of you being expected to work on something you don’t want to address, and to make sure you hit the floor running, you would both do well to: Write down your hopes for any marital counseling you […]

My heart goes out to couples who seem forever caught between a rock and a hard place in their marriage. When they talk with each other about anything personal, it seems like they have to choose between either being kind to their mates by quietly absorbing disrespect, or else standing up for themselves honestly, only […]

It seems to me that most Americans have one or more people somewhere in their family or friends that they just can't get along with. The way it feels is like, "I just don't feel comfortable around them. I can't be myself. They make me feel and act crazy, so I prefer to avoid them." […]