GROUND RULES FOR SETTLING MARITAL CONFLICTS   These are not my guidelines.  They are the ones most frequently presented in the many books I have read to help couples work through their disagreements and misunderstandings.  They are also the ones I have been taught in my training, and the ones I have seen to work […]

A BULLY-PROOF VEST FOR YOUR CHILDREN Since 9-11 happened, our cultural climate has been filled with fear and hate.  Our children are exposed to more and more bullying on television, in movies,  in social media, and even in political ads and debates.  When the police or FBI go into a dangerous situation, they wear a bullet-proof vest. […]

    THE ART OF DISENGAGEMENT   Sometimes disengagement is very painful for one partner, who may for the moment be clinging to or pursuing the mate in order to unload his or her distress. Other times, roles can be reversed. This article is for both of you.  To be done without creating new problems, […]

  GUILT, BOGUS GUILT, AND SHAME: How can you tell the Difference?   If you’re feeling bad about yourself, you might as well do it up right. Make something good come out of it. You can do it three different ways, and though they all feel pretty much the same at the time, the way […]

Perhaps the number one killer of mental and relational health in America is the refusal to go through the learning experience of emotional pain.  But I believe our next biggest mental health buzz kill is our refusal to forgive others and ourselves.  I just have to take a stab here at trying to reduce this […]

It seems to me that most Americans have one or more people somewhere in their family or friends that they just can't get along with. The way it feels is like, "I just don't feel comfortable around them. I can't be myself. They make me feel and act crazy, so I prefer to avoid them." […]

Perhaps you’ve got someone in your life that year after year you just can’t get along with. Let’s call this person "Pat". You might want to ask yourself these questions: 1. Do other people have the same problems with Pat? If some people do not, find out how they get along with Pat, and imitate […]

This column and the previous one are for people who are deeply frustrated with someone at home or at work. If most other people have the same problems getting along with this difficult person, your first step to making your peace is to understand your enemy. Last week I explained how during hard times growing up, […]

  USING ANGER TO MAKE OR SOLVE CONFLICT by Dr. Paul Schmidt   Resentment vs. Peacemaking   Anger is the normal human response to injustice.  When faced with hurt, it guides and motivates our efforts to correct an unfair situation. When justice is seen through the eyes of divine love and mercy, the anger is […]

    NEUTRALIZING EMOTIONAL BULLIES               When you think of a bully, most people think first of physical intimidation. But as adults, we more often encounter emotional bullies. These people figure out what kind of emotional scenes we can’t tolerate, and then dramatically produce or threaten these very scenes. They do this to manipulate […]